Before tact is learned...

"Daddy, are you shaving your spiky whiskers?"

"Yep, they're all gone now. See?"

"There's more on your back."

It really does happen!

This morning at the breakfast table:

5yo: No.
2yo: Yes.
5yo: No.
2yo: Yes.
5yo: No.
2yo: Yes.
5yo: No.
2yo: No.
5yo: Yes.
2yo: No.
5yo: Yes...

Unfortunately, I had my mouth full and missed the chance to blurt out "DUCK SEASON! FIRE!"

My ten-month old baby was crying in the car, so I asked his brothers for a solution. "We could sing to him", offered five-year-old eldest. He sang "twinkle twinkle little star" to his brother.

"Look," I said, "He's stopped crying."

Big brother didn't stop there. "Dad," he said, "I'm gonna keep singing until all his tears blow away."

awwwwww...

At 3am...

...I hear a two year old voice:
"Dad?"
.......
"Daaaad?"

I stumble in bleary eyed to be met with the phrase:

"Goodnight."

Starting school.

I always used to scoff at parents that get teary at their kids' first day of school. I mean, they'll see them in a few hours, right?
Now I understand. The little baby I watched learn to breathe has now finished his Early Childhood (you know, the make-or-break period that sets them on their path for life) and they're about to be released into a faulty system over which you have no control.

Now imagine how THEY feel, entering an alien world without having developed the social skills to deal with it or articulate it to you.

The first day of school was a carefully engineered anticlimax, where the kids get taken in with no fuss and little chance to say goodbye.

The second day, the bell went and my five-year-old sat down on the line to go in, with the rest of the kids. I began to reassure him, told him I'd see him soon, and he turned to me and said:

"Dad, are you going to go or not?"

Fly, my son.

The image of my two year old stomping around the house wearing a Christmas stocking that comes up to his waist is priceless.

Clouds

I had to keep three five year olds busy while waiting for some other parents the other day, so I pointed out that there were no clouds in the sky and asked where they went. The following conversation ensued:

5yo1: "Maybe they're hiding behind bigger clouds?"

5yo2: "Maybe they're hiding behind the sun!"

5yo3: (rolls eyes) "They'd MELT!"