The image of my two year old stomping around the house wearing a Christmas stocking that comes up to his waist is priceless.

Clouds

I had to keep three five year olds busy while waiting for some other parents the other day, so I pointed out that there were no clouds in the sky and asked where they went. The following conversation ensued:

5yo1: "Maybe they're hiding behind bigger clouds?"

5yo2: "Maybe they're hiding behind the sun!"

5yo3: (rolls eyes) "They'd MELT!"

We had a five year old superhero birthday party last Saturday, it was a total riot.

At one point I was called outside by Birthday Boy himself, who stood amid a collapsed plastic cubby house with the four other intrepid heroes who had climbed on the roof. I reminded BB that he knew he wasn't allowed up there, and he ran off.

I assumed he wasn't coping with the reprimand, but he soon returned- with a sticky tape dispenser! :D

What was even more cute was walking past twenty minutes later to find the roof stuck back on with meters of tape, and six enthusiastic kids hard at word adding more layers.

Kidlish #3

2yo goes to the shopping mall and thinks all the "broccoli" hanging from the ceiling is pretty cool. I resist the temptation to serve holly wreaths for dinner.


He's also into craft, and likes playing with scissors and "tippy tape".

More Kidlish

Mmmmm, pizza and "garbage bread".

I was wrenched out of sleep, somewhere between 2 and 4am, by my 2yo yelling "STOP!"

I run into his room, and see him lying on his bed asleep. I go him, ready to stand by my little boy and fend off the nightmares that trouble his slumber.


...and he calls out "GO!"

I even heard "WAIT" as I went back to bed. I assume that by then the traffic light was orange.

Kidlish

I love when kids encounter a word they don't understand, so they mash it up with words they do. A couple that come to mind, courtesy of my boys:

-A bowl of "Ice Cheese".
-Seeing a "Hairy old copter" flying overhead.
-Spreading honey on your "Jumpets".

Today's audio quality tip: Maximise the output of your speaker's sub-woofer by removing any plastic rockets that have been pushed inside.

"I'm drawing something for you, Daddy, and you have to guess. It begins with 'one'."

My four year-old son scribbles furiously on a magnetic sketch pad, then shows me his picture. It looks like a man, in preschool lollipop style, with oustretched arms and squiggly hair. Lots of lines radiate around the arms.
I try to think of any name that begins with 1. I'm mentally browsing Star Wars droid names when my son puts me out of my misery.

"Wonder Woman!"

Lessons my sons taught me last night

My two year old son taught me that a matchbox car can make a fairly effective eating utensil.

My four year old son taught me that the altitude afforded by a top bunk vastly increases the range of projectile vomit.

(not to be outdone) my four week old son taught me that a newborn baby lying on his back can fountain milk clear over the 20cm wall of a bassinet.

The last two happened at 1am at either end of the house, like duelling banjos. I guess my four year old is becoming a leader.
In my already sleep-deprived daze, as I stripped beds and scrubbed at carpet, one mystery kept floating through my mind: But he refuses to eat carrots.

The room is spinning, my eyes are burning, and it's Monday. Still, as every parent knows, you don't start feeling REAL fatigue until about the four month mark...

4yo: "I'm just going for a drive. Just call me if you need me, I'll come right back! I'm gonna bring you something and you'll love it."

My wife has a rapidly growing collection of dandelions.

My two year old has a habit of coming up to you, hitting you on the head three times with his hand, saying "there, all fixed!" and walking off.

In the middle of Westfield Parramatta (one of Sydney's largest shopping malls), my two year old stands up on a bench, raises his hands in the air and addresses the crowds streaming past:

"HELLO ALL YOU PEOPLES!"

His loyal subjects gave no reply, stunned at his majesty. Or something.

Added to the list of "I can't believe I found myself saying that":


"Hey! No lightsabers in the fish tank!"

My wife was at a friend's house yesterday and busted our four year old bouncing on their bed (and ringleading his little brother and the friend's little girl).
He was sternly instructed not to jump on people's beds, and obediently came into the loungeroom.
Several minutes later, my wife hears similar sounds coming from the bedroom and finds our four year old back on the bed.

In straight-faced innocence, he explained that it was okay because he was jumping off the bed.

Last Friday we went to the Australia Day celebrations at Parramatta park. Highlights include:

Master one-and-a-half sitting on the ground in front of a stage filled with twirling acrobats doing incredible feats of wonder- and being fascinated by a little hole in the dirt.

Master four's two week long enthusiasm about seeing hot air balloons being momentarily dampened when all 21 of them roared their burners at the same time. It was like being in the middle of a flock of dragons.

Watching the little model aeroplanes zoom around the park, and hear a little girl's voice behind me asking if there were people in them.

Counterpoint: on the way home, having a car drive by screaming "F**k Australia, Lebs rule". What an endearing and articulate group of fine young men. Last one out of Sydney turns into a pillar of salt.

When I step out of the shower, my four-year-old sometimes hears the water stop, and runs and gets me a towel.

That's cute enough, but his little brother tries to copy everything he does. Some time ago I stepped out of the shower to find my little toddler handing me one of my wife's bras.

You first know something is up when little Matty (1 1/2) toddles into view looking at you with That Glint in his eye, and holding a large soup ladle.

Not taking his eye off you, he taps the wall with the ladle, once.

"No," you say, shaking your head.

Two taps, harder.

"No. That's not a toy."

Another two hard taps, accompanied by a smug grin.

You get up to take the offending weapon from him. At this point he erupts into a gleeful cackle and bolts for it, having achieved his objective of initiating a chase.

Suckered again.

Chip off the old (choc) block

When my oldest son Ben was about 1 1/2, he had his first chocolate chip cookie. We were on a long car trip, and it seemed to keep him quiet, but when I turned around I found he had somehow eaten the entire cookie and not a single chocolate chip, all of which sat in a little pyramid on his chest. How did he do that?

It is not uncommon for me to be woken up at 6am by the sound of rattling cot bars and a little voice calling out "Toast! Toooooooast!"

Launched!

Welcome to Cute, Comic, Crazy. You know when your kids do something cute or funny and you think "hey, I should write that down?" Well, I intend to.

To start us off: the below exchange occured between a nine-year old boy and his Mum, somewhere in my extended family. Names withheld to prevent painful death:


Mother: Get in the bath NOW.

Boy: No.

Mother: You get in there or I'll shave you bald!

Boy: But I don't have any hair down there.


His Dad was rolling on the floor for a good ten minutes.